Just your average crackfic
by Pinkdesi101
Summary: Skales knew going on a date would end in disaster, but not like this... Skalesxfem!Cole, pure crack, co-written with Bonspie on dA.


Skales heaved a breath to steady his rocky insides. He was so sure he was going to hurl. And he had every right to. Yes he had been around Nicole, yes the two of them exchanged spit in the alleys of Ninjago, but they had never gone out gone out. This would mean actual conversation, what was the Serpentine to talk about? It's not like the two could mention mutual love of world domination, she apparently wasn't into that. But he had to go through with it. He had already put forth the exhausting effort of hypnotizing everyone in the restaurant into thinking he was a human, there was no backing out now.

It was then that Nicole entered the restaurant. It wasn't that difficult for her to spot her date. After all, a Hypnobrai in a group full of humans tends to stick out like a sore thumb. She briefly wondered how Skales was in a restaurant full of people, but decided not to question it, instead walking over to him.

Skales gave her a curious look, trying to eye her without checking her out. Even on a date date he wasn't about to make it awkward by staring. She indeed looked gorgeous tonight, even more than she normally did. If he had seen her sequined black dress once he had seen it a hundred times, but seeing as Nicole despised any gown besides her nightgown, he found it sweet that she would wear this. Was it for him?

"Good, uh, evening Nicole," he stumbled to his feet, his tail nearly knocking the table down in the process. With reddening scales, he withdrew her chair for her. Apparently, that was the "gentle-manly" thing to do, or so the other humans appeared to be doing so.

Nicole smiled meekly as she took her seat. "H-Hi, Skales."

Before Skales could begin his meager attempt at conversation, bringing up riveting topics such as the weather, the waiter arrived. He didn't feel like pretending to know what the heck a diet coke was, so he simply waved it off with a "surprise me".

"And I'll just have a water." Nicole added. The waiter scribbled something down on his notepad before walking off, leaving the awkward couple alone. "So..."

Skales allowed himself a slight smile, displaying his fangs. "I suppose asking the ninjas' next plan to defeat the Serpentine couldn't be put under the topic of 'casual dinner conversation'?" he chuckled a bit. It was half a joke, and half a real question, though he doubted it had an answer.

"No, not really." Nicole laughed. "And I'm guessing any Serpentine plans to defeat the ninja are out too."

"Sadly," he shrugged. "It's not like we can even call the shots or anything. You know, if you four were to take down Lady Garmadon, you won't be getting any hate mail from us."

While they were chatting, Spitta happened to linger by the restaurant, since touring Ninjago's city streets at night had become a habit of his. When he first saw the two inside, he had to double take. But indeed, there was the Hypnobrai general having dinner with the ninja of earth. He couldn't understand this at all, so he attempted to sneak into the restaurant without any shrieks of the humans to get a closer look, and hid behind two glasses of water on the bar. However, he couldn't hold back a sneeze that had crept up on him, and without his knowledge of it, two globs of venom dripped from his fangs and dissolved in the water. The waiter, unaware of the events that had just transpired, brought the glasses of water to the duo regardless.

Nicole grabbed her glass of water with a short, "Thank you," to the waiter and took a drink. "I think I remember the Serpentine fighting the ninja even before Lady Garmadon came here." She pointed out.

He took a gulp of water before even considering a respectable yet "you're dead wrong" response. "Hey, I'm sure we could all reach a reasonable agreement," Skales placed his glass on the table, knocking out a splash. "The Fangpyres just have to bite everyone in Ninjago, then we'll all have world peace and we can rebel against Garmadon. Seem fair?"

Nicole rolled her eyes. "Not quite. Not everyone..." Her voice trailed off as her eyes began to change color from black to a shade of neon green. "Uhh... Skales? Since when have you had a mustache?"

"Now how does that relate to everyone?" questioned Skales. Suddenly, he notices Nicole's glowing green eyes, because apparently he was too distracted by that mustache remark to notice. "Nicole, it's Venom-" he's cut off by his own change of his own. It's an odd transformation, but his eyes warp into a neon green as well, and all he could see was Nicole in a gladiator outfit and fluffy kitty cats raining from the ceiling.

Nicole then proceeded to jump onto the table, completely ignorant of all the strange looks everyone was giving her, and proceeded to sing the alphabet loudly. " 42 STARFISH GUITAR ELEPHANT OPTIMUS PRIME~"

"Nicole, shut up!" he tried to cry over the blaring shout of her ridiculous song. "You'll wake the Oomu."

Nicole promptly stopped what she was doing and raised an eyebrow at Skales. "The Oomu?"

"Narshlobs coming in from above! Take evasive maneuvers. Nicole, look out for the blablabla."

"Can I go home yet?-!" Nicole yelled. She promptly tripped, fell off the table, and spazzed on the ground.

Skales leapt onto the table, holding on for dear life. "Nicole, get on the duck!"

"I think I'll take my chances with the ompoos and the wawas." The ninja of earth deadpanned.

"You don't love me," said Skales, rather frustrated that Nicole refused to get on his duck. "You're gonna die and leave me all alone."

Nicole proceeded to stand up and glomp Skales. "MON CHURRO AI LAV YOUUUUUUUU~"

"AI LAV YOU TOO," he giggled as he pulled her into an embrace, accidentally toppling both of them off the table, and knocking his head clean against the floor. He instantly went cold.

"Skales?" Nicole shook the Hypnobrai a few times. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

He awoke from her constant shaking, with a headache and a sour taste in his mouth. He glanced around the restaurant, shocked to see many humans just staring at them. But even more shocking was Nicole's bright green eyes. Venomari venom.

"Nicole?" he asked, pinching her cheek to see if that would 'wake her up', so to speak. "Nicole, crazy time's over now."

Nicole's eyes widened as she stared at Skales. "Mommy?"

Skales could only sigh at her inability to form sober thoughts. He knew this night would be terrible, but not like this. With another sigh, he lifted himself to his...tail, and picked Nicole up. "Don't worry, you'll be back to yourself in no time," he told her, placing a kiss on her cheek and walking out of the restaurant.

Nicole just giggled. "I like trains~"


End file.
